Biscuit Manners Part 2: Quantity

For those regular readers, you might remember that I found myself in a social quandary a few weeks ago, where no fewer than 3 times I was faced with the question of how to treat a biscuit in the company of strangers.

If you read Biscuit Manners Part 1 you will have (hopefully) reached the same conclusion as me about dunking biscuits. Nobody cares.
However, my careful consideration led me to several other difficult biscuit-related decisions.

Biscuit Manners Part 2 reflects my real inner struggle with treat consumption – mostly biscuits, but also cakes, crisps, finger foods. Even meals and snacks, depending on location. This element will become Biscuit Manners Part 3.

So, this Monday, I once again found myself in a class learning about Youth Mentoring, surrounded by the same strangers as a few weeks ago – some of whom are now becoming less “strange”.
Again, I made myself the standard mug of coffee, and grabbed a packet of biscuits, dunked, munched, finished.
Then I wanted another packet.
*It might be worth noting, also, that these “Packs” were individual packs – containing 2 biscuits each. Not like a whole pack of hobnobs.
Nobody else had had another packet – was I really going to be the person to break that seal?

On this occasion, I refrained, with various ghastly thoughts filling my scumbag mind.
“They’ll think you’re fat. You are!”
“How greedy! This place has to PAY for those biscuits!”

To be honest, in my own home I’m happy to crack the biscuits out and for anyone to eat any amount of biscuits in one sitting.
Even if the biscuits are from M&S, and its a week before payday.
I’m the sort of humble bugger who will walk in the rain back to M&S with my last £3 and buy more for the greedy monkeys to keep scoffing .
Using this rationale, it seemed a bit ridiculous to think that anyone (least of all people who haven’t paid for the biscuits) would really care how many I ate, but I worried nonetheless.

It also made other important questions emerge.
Is a cracked biscuit counted as one full biscuit, or does eating 2 halves equate to the same, socially, as eating 2 full biscuits?
Does the size of biscuit count – or is the etiquette based on density? e.g is eating 4x Nice Biscuits the same as eating 4x Digestives or 4x Viennese fingers?
Does having a variety of biscuits increase the acceptable consumption figures? If I had a family box, could I have one of each (equating to 8 different biscuits)?
If biscuits are presented with cake bars, do cake bars get counted as part of the biscuit intake figure, or is there a separate cake bar calculator which runs alongside biscuits?

It is a difficult one, for which I am afraid I have not come to a conclusion.

Can you help?



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