We’re going to call this Top Ten Thursday. It’s nice to have a feature, isn’t it?
Plus, doesn’t everybody love a good top 10 of something or another?
This week, I went to the Company Magazine Blogger Forum and my train journey home felt like an incredibly long-haul flight. My mind was working some seriously sordid overtime, and now I feel hungover – despite not touching a drop. In true incredibly tired fashion, I started to lament over the stupid things I’ve done in my life, and came up with a list of Top 10 things NOT to do – based on experience. Hopefully my telling you not to do them will reconcile my stupidity at doing them to begin with!
1. Used Hair removal Cream on your FACE.
This is an absolute no-no. I knew it was a no-no before I did it – all of the packaging says not to do it. I still did it. More than once.
I used Nair (sensitive) to de-moustache myself.
It burnt, it blistered, it cut. More than once.
I don’t blame Nair – I blame myself.
If it says not to use it on your face, DON’T.
2. Squeeze in to Too-Small Clothes
I was guilty of this on Monday this week. I slipped into my Gonsalves and Hall dress (which is a bit snug around the bust). Everything went well, I wore it, I looked good.
Hometime came, and I tried to wiggle out of it – but I ripped it.
I put my fat finger through it while I was trying to force it over my boobs.
That’s £50 down the drain just because I was overly optimistic about that 5lbs of boulder I need to lose.
3. Leave a Parking Ticket unpaid.
I thought “they might forget.” They don’t.
Just pay it – it only comes back around, twice as expensive.
Plus, lets face it. It’s the council. They won’t wait.
4. Trust a Bully to feel like you fit in.
This is especially provident in the blogisphere right now – I’ve lost count of the amount of chirpy lovely blogs I read – only to follow the ladies on twitter to find a tirade of bitchiness directed toward fellow bloggers.
One blog in particular (I won’t name the writer) has a very warm, fuzzy, lovey-dovey blog presence, but 99% of her tweets are venomous.
Sadly, when I first started out blogging, I used her “model” as inspiration. Shame on me.
5. Try to act like you know about something you don’t.
In recent years, I have stopped doing this. There is a huge web of people out there who will make out like they know everything about everything.
Well – I don’t. Instead I want to learn.
I find this approach is much more refreshing and welcoming when meeting new people.
Also, in a professional capacity, if you get used to asking “How?” and “Why?” – you will end up at the top of your game much quicker – plus your colleagues will find you more approachable, and your superiors will see you as someone with a great work ethic.
It’s a common misconception that asking questions makes you seem stupid!
6. Shave your Arms.
I was actually forced into this one by Mr Kitty. He, as a joke, hit me up with a razor and shaved a bald patch on my forearm about 2 years ago. I can’t abide unevenness so I shaved my whole set of arms to match it.
I’ve never been able to stop since.
It’s so annoying – and SO not worth it.
7. Cry in front of your Boss.
Pull yourself together. That might sound harsh, but you are in a professional environment.
Do not do it – you have friends and parents and partners for that.
If you don’t have friends or parents or partners, you have me.
Just please do not cry in front of your boss.
I wouldn’t say its a “power game” but do you really want to seem that emotionally vulnerable to the person who controls your promotion?
8. Cut Your own Fringe.
People will say “It looks really good!”
People will sound astonished, and exclaim “Wow! It doesn’t look like when anyone else cuts their fringe themselves! It looks professional!”
The only time it looks professional is when a Professional does it.
Get pro – or get help.
9. Get the Implanon Contraceptive Implant.
In some ways, the best thing I ever did.
In some ways… the worst.
If you’re into irregularity, weight gain, sporadic and intense headaches and dry mouth then Implanon is for you.
If not? Keep on walking, sister.
10. Give a Friend a Loan.
Oh, you big meanie!
No, I’m not. A loan will kill your friendship.
If you love someone – send them to the bank!
I made a loan to a friend which was pretty major for me at the time (it wasn’t a lot of money in life-terms) which my friend never paid back.
Now, I don’t miss it – nor do I ever expect it back, nor do I begrudge her the money.
However, back when I did miss the money, I was bitter.
I felt uncomfortable bringing it up, and she felt uncomfortable telling me she couldn’t afford to repay me.
In the end, nobody said anything, and we rarely talk now. There is no animosity – just awkwardness.
Have I missed anything there? There must be squillions of things I’ve done that I regret, that I should tell you not to do.
Ordering Eggs Benedict for breakfast in a Las Vegas diner was a bad move. Booking a motel on Llamar in Memphis was a bad move. Throwing my shoe onstage at a Bowling for Soup concert was a bad move.
Are there any stupid things you would like to tell people not to do?